Long Road Home

Friday I packed up my little GTI VW, leaving no room for possibly anything else, and hit the road with my babies for our long journey back home. All I could think is, "Finally my vacation has come!!" Middleburg is only about 4 hours away. Somehow this trip stretched to nearly 8 hours but every stop was absolutely worth it. Bright white clouds filled the sky, shielding us from the ridged sun that would have pounded down on us and crisping the inside of my car at every stop we would have made. If you have ever taken a road trip by yourself its quite easy to just hop out of the car and run into the restroom with ease, with twins, not so much. Pulling out two car seats by myself and lugging them into 3 sets of doors, oh chickfila certainly gave me my workout for the morning. Once we got all packed back in the car, babies were changed and happy, we were back on our way.  About another hour into the trip I could hear the sound of their hunger through the sad cry of "MOM FEED ME!!" Pulling over again into a nicely packed parking lot, I climbed into the back of my mini car, propped up my feet on the console, and popped bottles into my sweet babies’ mouths. They couldn't be happier, I feeling the same of not having to drive at that moment but just enjoy the sweet sounds of them eating their lunch. Once more I climb back into my seat and take off.
Finally hitting 12:30pm I make it to the home of the sweetest family, The Juens. It was so nice seeing them all again, and for them being at home at one time is a feat! The afternoon was filled with happy stories, sweet tea, and lots of love. They are the kind of family that NEVER has a boring life, and something ALWAYS seems to be happening.
I finally made it home. A home that will always have my heart, memories, and that feeling of peace once I walk in the door. The trip was long, babies were a little bit irritable, but it was all worth it when Nana walked in from work and her face just lit up when she saw her grandbabies.

Muffin Top.....It's a DISEASE

"Yep, I had twins." That's often my response to the onlookers that I meet while out and about during the day who ask me if both are mine. Having to reassure them that both, yes both, of those children came from me at the same time. Stretched to the limits while in the last month of my pregnancy, I knew my body would never be the same. I watched what I ate, exercised, and took care of my body but unlike those other mom's that only had one, I had TWO, which just destined my ending result.
I've gotten the response from those moms that I would be back to almost normal, sad news but their very wrong. I was stretched beyond belief, went FULL TERM with twins, and have the marks and drooping skin to show for it.
Since loosing 35 pounds, and still going!, I have developed what many know as the muffin top. Yes I said it, I hide that sucker under those flowing shirts and dresses. It just encourages me to keep working towards my goal.............to fit into my non prego pants! While others tuck in their shirts, this girl is staying far away from any form of clothing that will hug around my sweet cinnamon apple muffin top. I often find myself tucking in my muffin top instead. I know I will never be the same, and hey this is a little personal, but I know I'm not the only mom out there that looks down and gets a little discouraged.

What I'm doing to change as much as I can:
Trying NOT to eat everything in my sight.
Working out every night
More salads and less ice cream  (sorry mom but I gotta put the spoon down!)

I'm slowly seeing results and it was ALL worth it to have my two amazing children God blessed me with. Every mark, blemish, and stretched out skin was worth it. To those mom's out their, no your not the only one that's struggling to get your body back! Remember, no matter how you look, your child(ren) don't love you because of how you look but love you because you are their mother and no matter what, that will never change.

You really want me to try that again?

Do we really get second chances?

Or is it that we choose to pick up ourselves and continue on in a way that may produce a different outcome than the one we chose before because we put forth the effort? That luck has nothing to do with it but effort has everything to make it possible?

Can you honestly say that if you could "do it all again" that it would be different? How can it be different if you yourself have not changed? I sit here, knowing it's way past my bedtime, the kids are fast asleep, and 6am is going to come way to fast. However, this plagues my heart. Why is it that Christian's complain about the past, but yet do nothing to change their future outcomes? It's all about the "What if's." Well guess what......I'm tired of hearing "What if."

How do you change your future?

What makes you, drives you?

Why is it we have become such a lazy nation. Letting others do the things we would rather not. That going out of our way for someone else is a bother, telling the truth is harder than just covering it up with a little white lie, and that to give your heart fully is not an option. Why do we believe that our choices are the right ones? How can you become different than the "American Christian," A title that is used like water to everyone. No one is set apart and many are still going to hell under this title. Why? because they know not what they believe and do not follow what God desires.

Psalm 2:10-12

"Therefore, you kings, be wise; 

be warned, you rulers of the earth. 

Serve the Lord with fear 

and celebrate his rule with trembling.

Kiss his son, or he will be angry 

and your way will lead to your destruction,

for his wrath can flare up in a moment.

Blessed are all who take refuge in him."

The Verse that hit me the hardest was

{AND YOUR WAY WILL LEAD TO YOUR DESTRUCTION}

How true is that. No matter how many second chances we get, no matter how much we change, OUR way will lead us to destruction. That when we make God the ruler of our life, that is the only time we will succeed, not needing a "second chance." Because our first won't be ours at all but His.

Take refuge in Christ.

Your Change:

Learn what scripture says, what God desires from and for you.

Be set apart, remember we are not of this world and in that the world will hate us for it.

Find those that love Christ, surround yourself with them, You are who you are with. 

And always remember, Put God First in your life.

P.S Being a christian is NOT easy, if your looking for easy, you will never find it here. 

What's for lunch!

It's that time of year again!! The flavors, scents, and feeling of fall is coming, which makes my heart sing with joy! I absolutely LOVE fall. From the weather to the food, I would live in a warped universe if I could where it would be fall all year long. Today was the first day of many of having my favorite squash of the season! Butternut Squash!!!! 

Saute Squash in olive oil, fresh garlic, paprika, thyme, rosemary, and 1/4 cup water.
Once tender add fresh spinach right at the end so most of the spinach is not wilted. YUM!

Who said you had to have chips with your sandwich!

Firsts

Being one that never likes to be late, this morning started out quite early.  Today was Ethan and Aubrey's first time ever being in childcare. Knowing I would be leaving my children with someone I didn't know made me a wee bit nervous. I'm so thankful for their "Beaufort Grandma" Grammy Rosie setting my heart at ease with building up my confidence in the people that would be watching my children. Today was the first of many meetings of Women's Life at Community Bible Church, where mom's and wives gather together to read and learn the word of God. Moms and children flourished the halls as I walked to the 0-12 month class, excitement filled my heart knowing I would be meeting new Christian friends. As I and Grammy Rosie handed them to the workers, it all happened so fast. They were in the room and gone out of my site, I was carried off to registration, then walked right into the auditorium, and plopped myself down. Once I sat down it hit me like a ton of bricks....My children are gone! I suddenly started to panic a little and just told myself they were okay, that i did not need to get up and go give them another kiss goodbye, that I would see them in just 2 short hours. It took me a good 20 minutes to finally talk myself into getting up to go see them. I didn't realize it would be this hard to leave my precious ones. Women's Life was so great and afterwards I arrived back to my sleepy, wonderful children. They did absolutely great! for the workers and it was like seeing them for the first time again. My heart filling with complete Joy to be back with the most amazing blessings God has ever given me.

Psalms 1 was our key verse today in study.

¹ Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.

⁴ Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
⁵ Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

⁶ For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

 

Amen!! That as a christian we are set apart from this world and the people in it. That we would prosper in whatever we do. My favorite part is "which yields its fruit in season." It just reminds me that our fruit isn't always continuous, we have to thrive, grow, bloom. It's a process to reach our fruits and that planting an orange seed will not automatically produce oranges the next day. It's that time of endurance, weathering the storms, the sun, and the animals that try to devour it. Once we make it through the rough time that's when fruit will sprout. However it never stops there. You never just produce fruit and the fruit stays forever, the process starts all over again. We wonder at times why we have to work through life, through struggles. Well it's because if we do not work, put forth effort, and push ahead, then we would not produce a rich, ripe fruit that could be enjoyed by all around us. And that each time we produce fruit, we become stronger, taller, and more rooted in Christ.

Thank you Holy Spirit for the roots that are planted in YOU!

 

 

Sewing Part 2

Finally started and finished Aubrey's crib flag today! As you can see I stretched out my mess ALL over the kitchen table. Not having a sewing room or even a sewing table does make one improvise.
Ethan was out like a light in his swing and Aubrey just watched mama as I sowed this afternoon. It took me a little longer with feedings, juggling them in my arms, and trying to soothe the spurts of tears.
This one came out MUCH better than my first. All I need now is to cut the letters out a little cuter and I think I will be set!  I changed it up with outlining the letters with a zigzag pattern and then lining the top with a leaf pattern, adding that extra girl cuteness!

You can't see the material to well but its green with white flowers in it outlined with yellow thread!

Love, is it worth fighting for?

Love is Not a Fight

By Warren Barfield

 

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for

 

 

Every time I hear this song tears just flow from my eyes and my heart pierces me straight through my flesh.  I believe that this is what God called for marriage to be, worth fighting for. That when you go into a bond, you become one.

 

⁴ They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

 ⁵ “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. ⁶ “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’^{[a] 7} ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,^{[b] 8} and the two will become one flesh.’^[c] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

 ¹⁰ When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. ¹¹ He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. ¹² And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:4-12

 

Truth, that's pure scripture and I do not know how you could interpret it any other way. That is why it's SO important to teach your children this. Love is something that you should BE to others. But when it comes to choosing a partner, you must remember, that person is FOREVER tied to you in a bond created by God. Of course there are those times some marry and the other person or both become two completely different people, maybe violent, wicked. However, even with divorce, you are still bonded to that person for forever.  I've only been married for a little over 4 years and I am certainly not saying I know everything about love.

Those first 3 years aged me, not in a good way. If I could redo those first years I would. Living out love and forgiveness daily instead of holding onto anger and the "what if's" that slowly burdened my heart. I am still learning how to truly love my husband, even in the moments when I feel that he doesn't deserve it, but there are SO many times I don't but he still loves me. Love, what is it? What does scripture say about love?

 

³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸ Love never fails.

1 Corth. 13:3-7

 

All this shows me that love is ACTION. There is nothing about your "emotions" in that moment. It is putting how you feel at that very moment behind you and putting that person first. It always hopes, that makes me smile. That in the dark times I will have HOPE in the love of my husband that things will get better. It's not that you would just stand back and watch the love you have for someone leave. To truly love you must be humble.

 

Humble:

1.modest: modest and unassuming in attitude and behavior

2.respectful: feeling or showing respect and deference toward other people

3.lowly: relatively low in rank and without pretensions

 

Number 3....that's my favorite. The world acts as though becoming humble, in which the humble #3 describes, is a bad thing. That you do not stand up for yourself, your not number one, you you you, all about you. How can you love others when its all about you?? It's NOT possible. Christ humbled himself so much that he bleed, was beaten, DIED for us. Pride and Fear hold me down at times. I am - easily angered, proud, envy, NOT kind at times, and I DO keep records of wrongs at times. I am sinful, broken. How do I become everything Christ has called me to be? By everyday walking with Christ and when I fall to my own sinful nature, I will collapse at the feet of Jesus and pour out my heart for forgiveness, which he gives freely to those with a true and right heart towards him. God is SO merciful. No matter what your past is, what you have done, he is waiting for you to come to him. For HE is true Love. The only one on this earth that will love you the way we desire to be loved.

How do you just ask for forgiveness when you feel that you don't derserve it, or maybe your heart is SO hardened that you just don't care that God forgives you?

God made YOU, he chose your features, your abilities, your heart, mind, and soul. When you make something and put everything you have in it, doesn't it mean everything to you? Why would it be any different with God, it would, because you mean MORE.  That he would continuesly forgive us time and time again, when our heart truly means it. For those that have a hardened heart. God heals, restores, and renews. You can be restored. It takes you coming to him and asking for that daily. It will come, trust me. God can do ANYTHING, its just us that stand in the way at times.

So don't stand in your own way to truly love the people that come in your life, to truly love your spouse, to truly love those that might not deserve it in your eyes.

Love is worth fighting for.

 



Peanut Butter Chocolate Cookies

So lately I have been addicted to anything chocolate and peanut butter. Rummaging through my cabinets I came up with enough ingredients to make these yummy little bites!!
Enjoy!

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup peanut butter
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
a pinch of salt
1 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350ºF
Cream butter and sugars until creamy, then add egg and vanilla and beat until smooth.
Add Peanut butter and continue to beat until combined.
Add flour, baking powder and salt.
Add chips and stir again.
Drop small spoonfuls of dough onto parchment.
Bake 12 minutes or until just golden brown.

8 Hours of Bliss

 A zombie, that's exactly what I was the first month of bringing my sweet babies home. Anyone that knows me knows that I NEED sleep. Otherwise I am the crankiest, loudest mouth, unhappiest person you have ever seen. It's always been that way for me, I am just not made to make it through the day with barely any sleep and actually be nice to people. So for that first month I must apologize to anyone that walked into my path of crazy.
Knowing how I function, I knew that my babies HAD to be on a schedule. It started right when they came into this world. I feed them at the same time, every 2 hours which quickly became miserable. One is made to sleep longer than an hour at a time, seeing it took an hour to feed both of them. They say that a baby shouldn't be on a schedule at this young age, that person clearly didn't have two! The benefits of being determined to get them to sleep through the night has paid in my favor. After just one month my little ones were sleeping 8 hours through the night, now hitting up to 9 if I'm lucky. They know when night time is. I made sure that in the first month of their life to not let them sleep more than 3 hours at a time during the day and stop feeding at 9-10pm. If they woke up during the night I would wait 5 minutes to let them try to soothe themselves to sleep. If they were still screaming their little heads off I would put their favorite binkie in their mouth, rock them and then tip toe out, as if they would wake to my foot steps.
Now we put them down around 9pm, with a bath every other night, lathered in their lavender lotion, a last fill of a bottle, sweet words from mom and dad, and then put down to either let them coo or fall right into dreamland. We can be the loudest in the house with their door wide open and they will sleep straight through all the noise! I am SO blessed. An amazing person gave me the greatest advice, "Make as much noise as you can with those babies, they will learn to sleep through anything!" He was EXACTLY right!!
I STILL can't believe I am so blessed to be a mother of two.

Sleeping babies = One Happy Mama.

That Cry

The reaction you give, defines the heart and soul of who you truly are.
I never thought a cry from a baby would go to the inner of my soul and at moments, almost bring tears to my eyes. At times all I want to do is hold them until they soothe into slumber and there is only absolute happiness on their little faces. That they would never know the pain that the world will soon bring them as they grow old.
Knowing the words I speak grow roots in their inner soul pushes me to love them with overwhelmingly loving words and tones.
Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
I want my children to LOVE life, the life of Christ, all that is good and humble. There is no other starting foundation they can have but the one Brett and I give them. Yes, children can stray from their roots but roots are the last to die. My heart aches of the thought of my belonged brother. A brother that was raised in the love of two amazing parents. They loved Christ with all their heart, living an example of what true love was, what a father and mother should be, and a heart that kept forgiving. How is it that a boy could stray so far from his parents, from God, that he could no longer see the light in full but just a glimmer in the distant. Free will. That's the price of freedom, the will to choose your life no matter your roots.
Praise Jesus though that he was rooted in Christ. That no matter how far he RAN from God, God was always right behind him. That in the last moments of his life he returned to Christ. Leaving the darkness for light, the world for heaven, garbage that filled pages of his life for scripture, the ever life that breathed truth to his heart and opened his eyes to the sin he for so longed was entangled in. Those were the last moments of his life and with that my heart sings with joy. It aches still from the pain of losing such a man that was finally returning to God. That always had a heart of Gold, pure honest Gold. Mercy flowed from God to him. Just envisioning him pulls my heart in so many ways. Thank you Lord for such a forgiving heart you had for my brother and that you have for your children. 
^" If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." John 15:19
Thank you Lord for your love, this world is not HOME and home is where my brother is! Praise Jesus.
I will do everything in my body and soul to make sure my children KNOW the Lord. That he is not just a man, but their SAVIOR. That scripture is what they LIVE by not just what they hear on Sunday. My children will stand apart, for if they don't then WE have failed at the most important thing God has given us. For if I can not even lead my children to Christ, then how can I lead anyone else?

Sin in Chocolate

Thank the Lord for Chocolate! After many years of trying to find the PERFECT chocolate cake recipe, it found me! It's simple and practically fool proof for those that might not be the best in the kitchen.
It's out of one of my favorite cookbooks, "Tartine" by Elisabeth Prueitt and Chad Robertson. This book is the BEST for basic pastries, cakes, and candies with full step by step instructions for those that need that extra help.
With this cake recipe I made a Peanut Butter Mousse to fill the decadent layers and make your taste buds dance to the rhythm of looovveeee.

Chocolate Cake

2 1/2 cups All-Purpose Flour

2 Tbsp Cornstarch

1 1/2 tsp Baking Powder

1 tsp Baking Soda

2 Cups Cocoa Powder

1 tsp salt

1 1/2 Cups Unsalted Butter, room temp

4 Cups Sugar

7 Lg Eggs

1 3/4 Cups Whole Milk

Preheat oven to 350*
*In Mixer, with paddle attachment, Cream Butter and sugar till fluffy.
*Add 1 egg at a time, only mixing until blended after each time, scrape down sides when done.
*In another bowl add all dry ingredients, whisk together.
*Alternate adding dry and milk into the butter mixture. ( always starting and ending with the dry ingredients.)
*Wipe down sides of bowl and mix for a few more seconds. Do not over mix.
*Divide Cake into 3-8" pans that are lined with parchment on the bottom and then wiped with veg. oil.
*Bake until the top of the cake springs back when lightly touched, about 30 min.

 Tips: Use butter, not Margarine. Margarine has added water which can throw off the setting of the cake. Yes margarine is only $1 and butter is around $3, but this is one part of the cake to not skimp at. If you don't already know, 2 sticks equal a cup so you will need 3 sticks for this recipe. Do NOT keep opening the oven when baking. For flour I go with Pillsbury or the Walmart brand, those are by far my favorite. Always go with unbleached flour too. Cocoa Powder gives all the flavor to the cake. I use Hersey's cocoa powder because it's hard to find High quality cocoa powder around town where we live but Hersey's always comes out great. Your baking soda, if in the fridge, should be no older than 1 month. If it is in your cabinet, well sealed, will last up to 3 months.

Peanut Butter Mousse

1 cup heavy whipping cream

4 oz cream cheese

pinch of salt

2 cups smooth Peanut Butter

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Whisk heavy cream till stiff peaks, then put in fridge.
Whisk together cream cheese, sugar, salt, and p. butter together.
Add whipped cream, whisk all together for a few more seconds, add more sugar if too loose.
Put in fridge till ready to use. I put it between each layer and right on top of the cake.

Chocolate Ganache

2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

Melt together, whisking well.

Once cake is assembled, pour ganache over top, with it being semi cool.
I also melted down just the chips, put them in a sandwich bag, cut the tip, and made designs on parchment to go on top of the cake when they hardened.

This cake is my favorite when its cold, so it's perfect to make the day before! Freezes well also. Enjoy!

Bring on the Sewing

 It's been over 2 years since I have last seen my sewing machine and I have quite missed it. I've never been much of a sewer. Growing up with my grandma I remember having a little singer right next to hers trying to make doll clothes while she made outfits for me. Those memories are the ones that just fill my heart and almost make it ache because the time has passed so fast. A time of being so carefree as a child, having everyone around that I loved so much.


I decided, since being home all day as a stay at home mom, that I would work on my craft skills. I saw this on a friends page and thought to myself....I could so do that!
It took me two nights, a little fabric from Walmart, and a marathon of Sons of Anarchy to finish it. It's definitely not the best job but the twins rooms are a little barren and I figured this would liven it up a bit. I still need to finish Aubrey's, and work on my skills of cutting out letters....any tips?

Pulling out that sewing machine and firing it up was such a soothing sound. The humming of the needle hitting the thread almost put me in a trance, taking me away for the night. It might have not come out perfect......but only costing around $5, It's perfectly fine with me!

Here I Am

 

This year has truly been a life changer. With the welcoming of two amazing babies, Aubrey and Ethan, quiting a job that I have always dreamt of, and becoming a stay at home mom, I can say....NOTHING is the same.

I was a Pastry Chef, though it seems it was in another life once I had my twins. Cakes, breads, candies, that's what filled my kitchen, my dreams. My job was my life, always having an overwhelming happiness when I would walk into work and know that for the next 8 to 12 hours all I would be doing is cooking. Now my life is my work.

I have an amazing husband, yes we have been through some rocky years, but I couldn't ask for a more loving father for my children. He works two jobs, fireman and security, and then comes home and loves on his family with such joy in his heart.

This blog is me, my recipes, my thoughts/dreams and all the nonsense that fills my head at times and needs to just explode onto paper. Though I've never been much of a writer, a writer is something new I will become.